some baby steps
writing, because it had to be done
I read a newsletter by a self-proclaimed ‘coward in recovery’ (any others in the house? 🙋♂️). It got me thinking about all the amazing things I could do. What if I had the courage to try things that scared me? To admit to myself the things I wanted to do, and go for them?
There’s been so many moments of inspiration aside from that one. Moments where I’ve felt that this is finally the moment I’ll push through the self-doubt and write. But invariably, I sink back down into hopelessness. That no, there is no way I will put this out there. That there’s no hope for me as a writer.
I think each of us had a seed of an idea somewhere inside that’s waiting to be nurtured. That it can grow only if we give it the time and effort. And I’m learning that there often isn’t a right time. I can’t wait for some life-altering, life-changing moment like a medical emergency to shake me into action. Instead, I’m learning to do even when I don’t feel like doing, especially when I feel like doing it the least. To trust in the words that are coming out onto the page. To know that they aren’t as horrible as I think they are.
Maybe I don’t want to leave things unsaid. Seth Godin says that we all have music inside of us, that’s just waiting to be let out. To me, that represents the collection of hopes that are tucked into the nooks of our hearts.
I also think all this writing doesn’t matter if I don’t commit. So, what am I committing to? Well, you’ll hear from me about a vast number of things. Many things. Okay, but really, I want to speak to people who inspire me, and learn about how they live and think about the world, because we need more role models that come from diverse backgrounds to reflect what is possible and the many different ways to live a life. That for example, it’s okay to not work in a traditional job, or that not knowing what you want to do at a young age doesn’t mean you’re doomed.
I also want to write and express myself through writing. Writing gives me courage. It helps me imagine new possibilities. To dare a bit further. It’s a space, or a way to give a voice to what’s unheard. A place where I can trust in myself, and in my voice. It’s where I feel most honest and true to myself. And what is more valuable than that?
I’m glad for the kick in the bum, the kickstart that the newsletter gave me. But from there I need to take things into my own hands. Because there is no right moment. There are no right words. I’m taking the first step, and it’s all I can do.
I’d like to imagine this will be some grand moment - me deciding to write. But no, it’ll just be me sitting in front of my laptop, writing.